Over the years, we’ve been known to have some questionable food choices: Doritos and peanut butter sandwiches, coffee and yogurt, ketchup on Mac ‘n Cheese, ketchup on broccoli, ketchup on everything, peanut butter hot dogs, French fries in milkshakes, or even Cheerios in orange juice (or maybe not…).

As we age, most of these staples are replaced by fruits, vegetables, and whole grain. There are rules to eating. Ketchup is only acceptable with burgers, fries, and hot dogs. Chips don’t belong on sandwiches. And milk is the only liquid allowed in a breakfast bowl—not orange juice, not toothpaste (breakfast brushing—it saves time!), and definitely not vinegar.

Here’s a quick chart to compare what we should be eating versus what we want to be eating.

 

*Notice, in the first chart, grains, fruits, and vegetables are replaced by bacon and fried foods in the second chart.

Of course, the second chart isn’t accurate. It doesn’t detail what we really eat. So here’s a quick chart of what we actually put into our bodies.

*A bias exists in this chart: for every apple, banana, and orange you purchase, you’re only purchasing one loaf of bread, one bag of rice, or one box of noodles. Obviously, the grains go much further than fruits and vegetables. But, overall, many of us do a good job at maintaining a relatively healthy diet—those of us who cook, of course.

It’s always important to try new dishes in the kitchen, so here’s a list of seven ridiculous recipes sure to satisfy inner-children, sophisticated adults, and late-night cravings.

Bacon Mancakes

 

Whether it’s Father’s Day or brinner, Bacon Mancakes are sure to enthrall every taste-bud on the tongue. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to eat breakfast out of a mug?

Essential Ingredients (include the Three B’s):

  • Bacon
  • Beer
  • Bisquick

 

 

German Chocolate Cupcakes…With Sauerkraut

Looking for late-night dessert? Maybe you want to test your baking abilities? German Chocolate Cake is world-renown. German Chocolate Cupcakes sounds equally delicious. Sauerkraut, although a German staple, shouldn’t cheat on sausage, right?

Wrong!

Essential Ingredients:

  • Devil’s food cake mix
  • Applesauce
  • Sauerkraut

 

Cheetos Chicken

Honestly, Why are we only learning of this concoction right now? Cheese? Good. Cheese on chicken? Great. Cheese on chicken encrusted with Cheetos? OMFG!!

Essential Ingredients (obviously, the three C’s):

  • Cheese
  • Chicken
  • Cheetos

 

 

Turkey Stuffed with a Twinkie

For most of us, this is a posthumous recognition. RIP Twinkies. If you managed to hoard Twinkies Zombieland style, then this recipe’s perfect for maybe a delicious date-night…or drunk food.

Essential Ingredients:

  • Whole Turkey
  • Box of Twinkies
  • Love… a lot of love

 

 

Cheesy Ham and Banana Pie

What’s more American than Southern cooking? Is this recipe insane? Maybe. Has it caused a heart attack? You may not want to know. Delicious? Possibly. You try.

Essentials Ingredients:

  • Cheese
  • Banana
  • Potato Chips?

 

Poutine

This French-Canadian delicacy warms the belly in winter and satisfies late-night hunger. Plus, it’s pretty easy to cook. Try it and tell us otherwise.

Essential Ingredients:

  • Potatoes
  • Cheese
  • Gravy

 

Cupcakewurst

One of the few times the “wurst” is the best, Cupcakewurst combines German ingenuity with the thirst for dessert. Instead of pork wrapped in casing, how does encased chocolate cake mix sound? It may not look pretty but nor do gummy worms.

Essential Ingredients:

  • Sausage casing
  • Cupcake batter
  • Long John doughnuts

 

 

If these recipes don’t suit you, we offer plenty of cooking classes to try instead. Eat up!

  • Emily

    yum….

  • http://twitter.com/Li__Chen Li Chen

    ahh lord, cheetos chicken actually sounds good…maybe with white rice..maybe..

  • http://twitter.com/alxberman Alex Berman

    I just want to eat that fish

  • Jacob F.

    Does anyone really eat enough fruit to satisfy the chart in the top left? I always thought it was such a huge requirement to get there. Am I really the only one who thinks it’s way too much? How is fruit an *every single day* item? :)

  • Jackson

    Is that Twinkies cookbook a real thing? I hope so…

    • TomVimbly

      Oh, it’s real. And it’s spectacular.

  • Janey

    Wow, I’ve not had poutine in years and when I did it was SO good! If that Twinkies cookbook’s real, I definitely have to check it out even just for the lols, I just can’t believe it exists. Cheetos encrusted chicken’s another curious one, Li Chen you’re absolutely right, it DOES sound awesome with white rice. Nom!