It’s often said that dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire. If you combine the two sides (with my personal desire), this is what you get:

For many of us, that horizontal desire includes finger-snapping, ill-advised shimmies, and involuntary leg-kicks. I doubt seizing is your “horizontal desire.”

With a rise in cult dances like the Gangnam Style and Harlem Shake, we’re veering away from dance’s allure—the most humanistic mating call.

Ladies and Gentlemen, how many of you accept such a theatrical call?

Men, Here’s What You’re Doing Wrong:

We took a quick survey of twenty-five men (small sample-size, I know) around the Vimbly office and simply asked, “Do you think you’re a good dancer?” With level of drunkenness being an obvious independent variable, this graph charts man’s perceived dancing ability.

Seemingly, if most men, in this mini study, believe they can dance, then why are these guys continually frequenting the dance-floor?

A recent study at Northumbria University documented man’s ability to attract women through their dance moves, which, let’s be honest, is probably the reason many guys hit up clubs.

What’d they find? Ladies enjoy a controlled flamboyancy. The science behind crafting the perfect dance routine involves increasing the number of head and torso movements along with right leg kicks, and isolating certain parts of your body. These maneuvers (like broadening shoulders and, maybe, flexing a bicep) showcase your strength and harness vibes of virility. It’s even shown to create a feeling of formidability with competing men. West Side Story was totally right!

According to the study, here’s how not to dance:

And here’s how to attract women. Of course, these moves are a bit exaggerated. When was the last time you got a phone-number after doing “The Sprinkler?”

Still, John Travolta and Michael Jackson were definitely onto something important in the laws of attraction.

To quickly note, these moves don’t guarantee success or an increased rate of women asking for your number. Confidence is essential. If you don’t have swagger, you won’t move like Jagger.

Women, It’s All about What’s Shakin’ and Bakin’:

For women, it was obvious what initially attracted heterosexual men to a potential dance partner. Here’s a chart to explain:

After this initial point, the main objective for the female is to not dance like this:

But, in all honesty, women should avoid moves deemed too masculine like broadening shoulders or bench-pressing fellow dancers. They should also avoid clothing that’s too risqué or too conservative. Of course, this depends entirely on your environment and the type of mate you’re trying to attract. You probably wouldn’t wear a push-up bra to your church’s spring fling, and, in the same way, you likely wouldn’t wear Birkenstocks to the club—not that there’s anything wrong with either of these.

What’s recommended? Ladies, touch your hair, swing your hips, and shake your assets. These moves will get you noticed quickly. Dancing should be sensual. For example, the Dominican dance, Bachata, is designed to be a modern-day mating call because of its lasciviousness, with dancers expressing desire to each other through swaying hips and gentle caresses. It’s even said that two dances with the same partner is destined to “seal the deal.” Take note.

Additionally, if you’re willing to delve into biology, women are seen as more attractive dancers during the fertile phase of the menstrual cycle. This is nature talking, not me.

When women are fertile, their behavior indicates an increase in sexual desire, which men obviously recognize. Additionally, research suggests, “men prefer the voice, scent, and facial attractiveness of fertile women.” Once again, science pries open our subconscious and tell us what we like, even if some of us didn’t want to know.

What does this mean?

It means you should get on the dance-floor. ASAP! If you’re nervous, Vimbly offers plenty of NYC dance classes to push through your fear. Remember, confidence is pertinent.

Finally, I think we can all agree this may be dance’s finest moment:

Gives me the jitter…bugs.