Here’s an unpleasant truth: You could die next week.
Probably (read: hopefully) not, but odds and well-wishes aside, that ‘could’ still stands.
Whether you consider yourself amongst the healthiest of the horses or the idlest of the couch potatoes, the harrowing truth is that both are equally susceptible to freak accidents. Maybe you’ll be jogging to the gym when the crane delivering a baby grand piano malfunctions. Maybe you’ll be idly watching a movie and eating chips on your couch when the apocalypse happens.
Use your imagination, but the point is, life is kind of like “Game of Thrones”: you can never be sure what the next episode may hold because main characters get wiped out left and right.
Much like Jon Snow, YOU KNOW NOTHING.
Because of this uncertainty, the idea of creating “bucket lists” (things you want to do before you kick the figurative bucket) is wildly popular with us mere mortals. These lists can include anything from ‘learn to speak Chinese’ to ‘skydive’ to ‘visit every continent’ — people aren’t afraid to get creative. And, true to the number one American pastime, they aren’t afraid to procrastinate either. More often than not, “bucket lists” remain unchanged, with nothing getting crossed off the list for years after it was made. It’s almost as if putting off doing said activities will help stave off the inevitable end.
NEWS FLASH: Grim reaper doesn’t care if you never got to climb Mt. Everest — when he comes knocking, you’re answering the door.
“lol it’s ok, I’ll come back next week.”
Luckily, accomplishing items on your bucket list isn’t as unattainable as you may think. So stop procrastinating, brush of that dusty bucket list, try saying that three times fast, and then check out these things you can literally cross off tomorrow without quitting your job and spending your life savings on travel expenses:
It’s A Bird! It’s A Plane!
Ghosts aren’t the only ones who get to defy gravity. Use some of your remaining time in human form floating through the air with the greatest of ease on a high-flying hang gliding adventure. Of course, you won’t just be catapulted into the clouds on your very first try, practice in a simulator first… after all, you’re trying to cross things off your bucket list, not get yourself killed.
“HOW DO I LAND THIS THING?”
As Ed Sheeran points out, sometimes it’s too cold outside for angels to fly. Try on a pair of earth wings before earning your real ones “on the other side,” and take to the skies comfortably piloting your own private plane as you get acquainted with your future home in the clouds.
Screw what TLC says. Picture yourself out in the wild waterfall canyoneering, rescue-unit-style rappelling down narrow gorges with fresh water spraying you in the face. Crossing something off your bucket list will never make you feel so… alive ever again.
Undah Da Sea
Before you preemptively quit your job and spend your life savings flying to Australia, test the waters in a more local setting like a dive pool, to see if you actually like scuba diving to begin with. Plus, it’s a great chance to explore the seas before being eternally banished to the skies… or fiery underground… depending on the life you lead.
6 feet under, but in a good way.
Embrace your wild side learning to ride the waves like a native Californian. Catch some humungo swells, go totally tubular, and ride through some rips before you R.I.P. GNARLY, DUDE.
Exotic Dream Car Sprint:
FYI: There are no cars in the great beyond (or so our other worldly correspondent reports). For anyone who has always dreamed of cruising down a racetrack behind the wheel of a luxury vehicle, but never had the money/midlife crisis necessary to buy one of their own, here’s your (last?) chance to satisfy that need for speed.
Here’s the only scenario where you + shark + cage does not equal imminent death. Get an up close and personal adrenaline-pumping view of Jaws in his natural habitat — without becoming lunch.
Duuun nuh…duuuun nuh… dun dun dun dun dun…
Tarzan, Monkey Man
Before heading 6 feet under, head 60 feet upwards to channel your spirit gorilla on a zip lining adventure. Rush from canopy to canopy without the necessity for crazy upper body strength, or the danger of slipping and falling.
No, this is not condoning drug use. Embrace your inner Aladdin and discover a whole new world with a birds eye view in a hot air balloon. Use this premortem opportunity to get a feel for your future vista, if you catch the drift… (re: your view from Heaven)
Huh. Not too shabby.
Whelp, this has really undertaken a morbid tone (okay, death jokes stop here). The point here is that life is an uncertainty. Instead of procrastinating that bucket list you keep on your iPhone, put down the technology, go out into the world, and be as alive as you can… while you still have the chance.
If none of these bucket list items lived up to your expectations, play the Vimbly game to receive a personalized list of suggestions.