It’s amazing how quickly social media has become a part of nearly everyone’s daily life. Just 10 years ago, an astoundingly low 7% of the public used some form of social media. Now the number’s at 65%. Times have changed.
Let’s face it — the prevalence of social media is not entirely a good thing. While the internet has done a great job of bringing disparate people together and providing voices for the traditionally voiceless, it’s also allowed a lot of our worst behaviors to be magnified and presented on a global stage. We’ve compiled a general list of the worst, most frustrating, and most annoying people on social media — separated by different platforms. That’s right, we’re about to get personal. Let’s get started.
The Debate Team Dropout
This is the guy you had Intro to Poli Sci with freshman year of college. He only took that one class in the department, but he thinks he’s a total political guru. Now he posts really annoying articles about Donald Trump’s hatred of Starbucks or Hillary Clinton’s marijuana policies. Or he comments on every post, turning the most benign of topics (such as someone’s first PSL of the season) into a political statement. It’s an obvious provocation of opponents, and he can go on for HOURS.
Seriously, stop. No one wants to go on Facebook and read someone’s daily rants about how we’re all horrible people for eating red meat or how political correctness is ruining America. Just take your anger and opinions and head over to a political message board, okay?
The Conspiracy Theorist
This person always makes a mountain out of a molehill, from topics such as Obama trying to burn the US into the ground, to conspiracies such as: “The weatherman said it was going to rain today, but it didn’t…the government is controlling the weather!”
They post poorly Photoshopped pictures that prove we’re controlled by aliens, that Tom Hanks has been dead for years, or — everyone’s favorite — that Tupac is alive and well and living in rural Alabama. No one humors these people, but for some reason, they’re still going at it.
The Dog/Cat/Baby Profiler
This is the Facebook friend who has a baby or gets a pet and makes a profile for the “new member of the family.” If this is you, we have one question: WHAT IS THE POINT?! Your dog or cat will never have the mental capacity to log into a profile or chat with friends. And by the time your baby is old enough to use Facebook, it will probably be an extinct platform (see: Myspace). Also, why bother tagging them in pictures? Lil’ Isla Paisley McCourt doesn’t care how many likes her photo gets — she just wants to cuddle.
Mr. or Ms. Gullible
Hi there, friend. Welcome to the Internet. Rule #1 is essential: Don’t believe everything you read. Because it’s the internet and anyone can post anything.
Unfortunately, not everyone got the memo for this one. This is your friend who reads The Onion or Clickhole article their friend sarcastically shared, leaves shocked comments, and shares out of paranoia. Listen here, Nicole (we’re looking at YOU) — Johnson & Johnson isn’t really making a “Nothing But Tears” shampoo. Let’s be real. Still — post satirical articles at your own risk — you never know what they’ll believe.
This one’s sure to rain on your parade. Do you have one friend whose tweets are all negative, whiny, and self-pitying? Someone needs to tell them that no one wants to be jaded and moody while reading tweets, and no one cares about their lukewarm latte. Listen, Alex, We’re sure something good happened to you today, and you can always just use a freakin’ microwave.
We all know people who treat Twitter like a diary. The TMI acronym was basically invented with them in mind. Likewise, these are also the people who passive-aggressively tweet (or “subtweet”) about others. Seriously? Save it for your friend’s house over a bottle of wine. Now we all know that you-know-who hooked up with your ex, which is frankly a little too personal for Twitter.
The Celebrity Parody Account
This is a phenomenon we’ll never understand. Twitter is flooded with fake Selena Gomezes, Prince Harrys, Kim Kardashians, and more. They only tweet obscure love quotes or random “relatable posts”.
What is the appeal in a fake celebrity tweeting “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”? I’m pretty sure Brad Pitt has never actually said that.
The #1 Fan
Whether the celebrity of interest is Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, or Niall Horan, we all have that one person whose entire Twitter account is dedicated to tweeting at celebrities for a follow or reply back. It’s such a sad thing to see as an onlooker, because the desperation is obvious… And they can’t really expect a tweet back from someone who tweets once a day and follows only 15 people. Shhh, just no…
This person is basically MIA on Instagram for weeks. Then suddenly, they go on vacation or attend a concert or have a birthday party, and flood your feed with 15 pictures in a row. Don’t treat Instagram like your camera roll, because your pictures of Taylor Swift from afar aren’t that impressive. She looks like a blurry ant.
The Hashtag Abuser
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Your nature photo is nice, but it’s especially nice without #instanature #nature #trees #pretty #beautiful #likesforlikes #instagood #grass #sky #sun #stars #daytime #scenery #waltwhitmanwouldlovethis #theroadlesstakenorsomethinglikethat #idontthinkthatwaswaltwhitman #ohnowaititwasrobertfrost #itstillrelatesithink #happyhumpday
The Selfie Addict
If your profile is 70% selfies or more, it’s time to diversify. Your face doesn’t change that much in a matter of 36 hours. If anyone was curious, they could have just looked at your previous selfie… right below the new one you just added.
Oh, you sneaky yet unsubtle person. We know you posted that picture previously, and we know that you deleted it because it did not get a “suitable” amount of likes. PS: It’s not about the timing, the people who didn’t like it previously will likely not press that little heart button now, either.
100-Second+ Long Storyteller
We’re fairly certain no one actually watches Snapchat stories that are longer than 30 seconds (we sure don’t) and there’s always 3 or 4 people who continuously make stories 100 seconds long or more. Nothing on Snapchat is interesting enough to watch for that long… we’ll skip through that story quicker than you can blink. Come on you guys, just put it on YouTube.
Most Likely to
Succeed Be Creepy
Ah, the creepy guy from high school that was in your group for a chemistry project, somehow got your number, and is now sending you gross and creepy snaps. Nearly everyone has gone through a situation like this: some fellow just won’t take a hint — and once he does start to realize you’re not interested, he reacts with anger. Suddenly you’re the bad guy. Thank the Snapchat gods for the block option. We <3 you.
The Serial Screenshotter
Why did you screenshot our chat? Or my selfie from my story? Or the picture of my new car? Or my photo of the Chicago skyline? You do know that Snapchat tells you when someone screenshots your stuff, right? It’s a bit unsettling.
The Club Videographer
It’s loud, blurry, and dark. No one understands what is going on in this 10-second video. Is that someone dancing or it just your beer sloshing around? It’s so loud…is that Rihanna playing? Avicii? Bach?! All we hear is muffled, garbled noise.
Tall(???), Dark, and Handsome
Surely some of you fellas on Tinder are 6 feet tall or more. But it seems that a majority of the male Tinder population claims to be 6’3″. That seems unlikely, unless all tall men gravitate to this app (we can tell you from personal experience that’s not true). Some of you have to be lying, and if you are, how long do you think you can get away with this? The truth is the only way, guys.
If you’re not getting any matches, you need to think to yourself: Are all of my photos group photos? If the answer is yes, that solves the mystery. No one is going to have the patience to carefully observe all your photos to look for the common denominator.
This isn’t a game of Where’s Waldo. We want to know who you are and really, all you need is one group photo to prove you have friends. Maybe two, but more than that is unnecessary.
The One-Photo Perpetrator
This person is generally pretty sketchy. One photo can never be trusted — how much did you edit that selfie? But if their one photo happens to be a headshot of some sort, you’re probably ’bout to be catfished. Watch out. Actually, don’t even bother. A regular human being has more than one decent photo of his or herself.
The Impressive Fishermen
Speaking of fishing…Why do so many men on Tinder have photos of them posing with big fish they caught? There’s even a tumblr page dedicated to this. Is it the same fish that they all pass along to the next Tinder user just to get an impressive photo? Is this fish a special photoshop feature or something? Is it a metaphor about there being plenty of fish in the sea? Or a pun about Moby Dick? Are they professing their love for the movie Big Fish? Are they trying to play off of evolutionary desires of hunters and gatherers? “Me get fish. Me feed young.” …we’re not impressed, just confused.
Goodness knows there are countless more irritating Social Media types — not to mention the annoying people who can’t really be classified. It almost makes you want to take your device and throw it out the window. There are certainly more constructive things to do with your time than sit around being annoyed by people.
OR, if you’re not ready to jump ship just yet (maybe your social media addiction is just too much to let go of) keep a lookout. If we missed anyone in particular, leave a comment and let us know what really irks you on a given platform!