Sit down in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and repeat the mantra “I am alone but I will NOT be lonely, because I am a cool person who yes, has been told I’m a little crazy, but I definitely think they mean in a good way that people can learn to love because I am great and I am CAPABLE OF LIVING ALONE.”
Just say it once or twice, maybe. Feel better? You’re welcome.
Now hello there, you thriving young single champion. Hold that independent, relationship-less head up high. Instead of wallowing in the silence of an empty apartment, get resourceful and trick yourself into company. Here’s your how-to:
1. Get Something in Between a Pet Rock and a Dog
Your cool aunt and your mom have both recommended getting a small fluffy puppy to ease those living-alone-blues. However, you live in a tiny, shoebox apartment that requires working lots of overtime to afford. So alas, that small fluffy puppy would be stuck in your small apartment for way more hours than PETA deems appropriate.
You need something more exciting than a cactus, a succulent, or a pet rock, because that would be zero help in the loneliness department. Nothing makes you feel worse than coming home and realizing the only thing for you to do is water a cactus that, frankly, could survive without your watering anyway.
Your options: maybe a hedgehog, a hamster, or something that requires less care. Not an animal person? Then CHiP, the new robot dog, might be the answer to all your prayers. Or go old school and get a Furreal friend. No one feels lonely with a fluffy robotic cat purring next to them.
2. Throw yourself into a series with fanatics
Series are popular for a reason. By book three, you start referring to the characters by nicknames and wishing that they were with you during certain parts of the day.
i.e. “Damn, Katniss would love this leather bracelet, I should let her know about this pop-up store.”
Instead of your nightly fight with Netflix (where you must remind the computer, yes, you are still there, just because it’s been 15 episodes doesn’t mean you’re gone), pick up the first book in a series.
Who needs a significant other when you have the love of Hermione and Ron to keep you warm? Or the thrill of 16th century Scotland to keep you busy? Outlander, Harry Potter, the Hunger Games, Game of Thrones. The list goes on. You won’t feel alone until the end of the series.
Nothing quite like the burn of a fine whiskey to keep you warm on those lonesome nights. One of the most underrated parts of living alone is that you don’t have to share that bottle of wine you bought instead of a lunch. Your alcohol cabinet will stay plentiful without you breaking the bank.
So take advantage. Drink up and be merry. That glass of wine is the only company you really need anyway.
4. A Damn Good Podcast
Living alone can be quiet, leaving you with your thoughts and giving you ample time to overthink your isolated state. Rather than marinating in the silence, or throwing a pity party to the tunes of Adele, throw yourself into a podcast that will fill your apartment with conversation.
Increase your knowledge by listening to TED talks, or take in hysterical love advice from the one and only Anna Faris. You’ll get the perks of funny or entertaining discussion without having to actually engage in it yourself.
5. And if all else fails…
You’ve tried everything, but you still feel this tinge of loneliness even after wine, a good podcast, four chapters of Harry Potter, and playing with your robot dog.
If it’s a physical sense of solitude that is throwing you for a spin, there are some options for tangible company that you can have whenever you please. You can thank Amazon for the Boyfriend-arm-pillow, or the grow your own girlfriend kit.
Hey, whatever works.