5 Ways to Protect New York from Marvel Universe

In the history of New York, nothing has destroyed this city more thoroughly and thoughtlessly than the entire Marvel Universe. From the Green Goblin toppling bridges to Iron Man doing, well, what Iron Man does, this city rebuilds itself every few years from a Marvelous meltdown.

How can you protect yourself, and this city, from another disaster? Well, apparently, a Hulk-like nuclear meltdown does the trick. And, according to science, hallucinogens often distort the brain. But no. It’s not easy to generate fireballs or, well, the ability to acquire flight, super strength, and...dashing good looks! You need to think outside of the box. Here’s how to organically defend New York City.

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  Japanese Kung Fu Trial Class

  Japanese Kung Fu NYC

  It doesn’t matter how many gizmos and gadgets each superhero and super-villain carry. There’s always an electrical shortage or water issue or some minor failure that results in hand-to-hand combat. Needless to say, you better know how to scrap your way to saving New York City. Here, you’ll learn the ancient art of self-defense. Seriously, it’s probably man’s first skill. As you fight and claw your way to victory, just remember that first Kung Fu class you took. Thank us later.

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  DIY Home Bar: A Hands-On Cocktail Workshop (Vendor requested to take pages down MK 2/3/15)

  Astor Center NYC

  Okay, okay. It’s not like you’re gonna be making the Joker a Dirty Shirley Temple or a rum and Coke. It’s also not insinuating that you should mix poisons into their cocktail. I’m merely suggesting. But a splash or five of extra vodka never hurt anybody. Also, isn’t this how the Russians won WWII: Siberia and vodka.

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  Action Bootcamp

  STREB

  You’re just gonna need this. The title says it all.

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  ENIGMA: Outdoor Mystery Theater (Show no longer running FMC 12/14/16)

  ENIGMA: The Show

  Yeah, yeah, how can prancing around Brooklyn in search of a literary figure compare to tracking down a goblin with the ability to fire lasers from a flying saucer? Well, intuition and wits carry you further than you think. This tour teaches you how to search for clues and dive into the mind of the hidden, while staying low-key (Loki??). So, yeah, it’s more than disclosing some Marilyn Monroe secrets.

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