Picture this -- it’s Saturday night in Wicker Park. You’re strolling around with your buddies, looking for something to do. You grab a drink here, a hot dog there. Before long, you’re at a party. Cool music, interesting people, so far so good.
The DJ grins (yep, there’s a DJ too). Silence for a second, and then BOOM. “Juice” by Lil Donald bursts forth from the speakers, the subwoofer nearly explodes, and everyone at the party, including the buddies you came with, jumps into action. There is spinning, bopping, dipping, diving, popping, locking, jerking and twerking in every direction. Cupid Shuffles in every corner. Nae Naes and Stanky Leggs as far as the eye can see. Everybody in this steamy basement apartment seems to know precisely what they’re doing.
Everybody except you.
This won’t do. Your insecurity, finely-tuned as it is, won’t allow this to happen again. The tidal wave of humiliation you’re swimming against, born solely out of your inimical dearth of Hip Hop awareness, dwarfs your better qualities.
Luckily, help is available. Trained professionals are standing by, ready to cure you of your Hip Hop ineptitude and elevate your swagger to an acceptable level.
First things first. Learn the basics of hip hop dance in this comprehensive course, designed for dancers of all levels. Get jiggy exercising the fundamentals of popping, locking, and animation, amongst other useful styles while you sweat your way to dance floor greatness and a healthier, sexier body.
Note: This class WILL NOT teach you that running leap move from the final battle in “You Got Served.” It’s more complicated than it looks, and you need like nine people to pull it off.
Break into break dancing with this lively, high-energy class. Impress everyone around you with your newfound ability to snap into a mesmerizing dance improvisation at the drop of a hat. Hit it at the club. Hit it at a wedding. Or a bar-mitzvah, local restaurant, even your next work meeting. Whatever. It’s important to play these things by ear.Mixed Motion Art
Zoom on over for some Zumba, the famous dance-fitness sensation that’s swept the nation. Get fit while learning dance styles set to Latin and Hip Hop-inspired beats. There’s nothing hip hop about being overweight. Go ahead, name ONE obese rapper. I defy you.
Fat Joe? Alright, sure. But c’mon, that’s a gimmick.
Big Pun? Rick Ross? Raekwon? The Notorious B.I.G.? Fine. Whatever. I’ll drop it. Keep scrolling...
This may seem counterintuitive, but getting your brain functions in order is an important step in the direction of a meaningful, sustainable Hip Hop lifestyle. Did you know Hip Hop icons like Kendrick Lamar, Kanye West, Russell Simmons, Rick Rubin, RZA and Jay Z practice meditation?
We’re not saying “practice meditation and you’ll become as successful, talented, and wealthy as Jay Z.” But we’re not NOT saying that.
You think shaking your ass is easy? You watched a Miley Cyrus video on Youtube, pranced around in your underwear for 10 minutes, and suddenly you think you’re an expert twerkster? Think again, buddy. Think again.
The good news is that there are experienced professionals out there, who have not only MASTERED the twerk, but have mastered the art of imparting that knowledge onto you.
Some things are best learned in person. Close the damn Miley video. Ask the pros -- they’ll tell you, she doesn’t even do it properly.
Shakespeare once wrote, “To bling or not to bling. THAT is the question.” We’re paraphrasing a bit, and granted, he came a little before the age of Hip Hop, but the point is this -- he’s right.
The answer to the age old question? To bling (obviously).
So what could possibly be more Hip Hop than learning to make your own CUSTOM bling with your very hands?
Learn the tools to become an expert jewelry designer, build your necklace exactly to your tastes and you won’t go unnoticed at the next bumpin’ neighborhood house party.